


I Get To Love You

by darkin520



Category: seaQuest
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6981241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkin520/pseuds/darkin520
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Moments Like This. Nathan and Kristin are going on their romantic getaway weekend, but doubts cloud Kristin's mind. Will her heart and her mind ever be on the same wavelength? Two-shot. First season, AU. *COMPLETE*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I made three accompanying fanvids for this story; they can be found here if interested: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0QrWn4UyfM, www.youtube.com/watch?v=1030BBUw5Fg, and www.youtube.com/watch?v=48ei0L1veV8. Thank you for looking.

_**seaQuest** _

Though it had been a little surprising that Nathan suggested they go on a spur-of-the-moment weekend getaway on Bridger Island, Kristin had embraced the idea. That was until she found herself standing in the middle of her quarters trying to decide what to pack. This wasn't just _any_ weekend getaway. This could possibly be _the_ weekend getaway, and she wanted everything to be just right.

The only problem was she wasn't exactly sure _what_ to pack. She blushed hotly as she thought of the lacy blue negligee stuffed in the back of her underwear drawer. She didn't even know why she'd brought it with her to the  _seaQuest,_ since she hadn't touched it once since she'd been on board _,_ but in retrospect, it seemed rather lucky she had it now. Then again, maybe it wasn't the right time to take it from its hiding place.

In fact, the more and more she thought about it, the more she realized there was so much she and Nathan _hadn't_ discussed, and she began to doubt if they were truly ready to make that extra step together. Love wasn't the issue; she knew she loved Nathan with all her heart, and she was ready to give herself to him, but what about protection?

She was so out of practice; it had been six years since she'd been in a committed relationship with anyone, and it seemed like a lifetime ago now. Seeing as she was Nathan's doctor, sexually transmitted diseases weren't a concern; she knew he was clean, and so was she. However, she hadn't exactly planned to fall in love with anyone during her time on the _seaQuest_ , so contraception had been the furthest thing from her mind...and it was a little late to be asking Joshua to write her a prescription for birth control. Not only that, there would be all sorts of questions, and she wasn't ready to answer them. Just because she was a medical doctor didn't mean there weren't some things she was a bit embarrassed about...and it was doubly so when it came to her own body.

She shook her head. _Nathan did say we didn't need to do anything at all. I suppose I could just say I'm not ready after all. He wouldn't push me_.

" _Are you crazy?"_ her heart said. _"You know you're ready. Don't let fear stand in the way."_

Kristin sighed, knowing her heart was right. Besides, if there was one thing her accident had taught her, it was to show those she cared about how much they meant to her. In this case, she was ready to show Nathan how much he meant to her. And if she didn't do it now, she didn't know when the opportunity would strike again. As for the little matter of protection... She bit her lip; she certainly couldn't expect Nathan to handle it all, and she didn't want to be caught off guard without it, in case.

After a few moments of thought, she suddenly snapped her fingers. _That's it!_ She kept a jar of condoms in her office to hand out to crewmen who were seemingly unprepared in the heat of the moment. All she had to do was grab some from her office. _Piece of cake,_ she thought with a nod.

Kristin hurried out her door when she nearly collided with Katie.

"Whoa, sorry, Doc. Are you all right?" Katie asked.

"Y-yes, everything's fine, dear. I'm the one who should be sorry; I wasn't looking where I was going. I just forgot something in my office, you see, and I-"

"Oh, that's right. You and the captain are taking that romantic getaway weekend," she said with a wink, giving Kristin's arm a playful push. "You'd better hurry; you don't want to be late. I want details when you get back, though."

Kristin's cheeks were on fire. "Of...of course," she replied as quickly as she could, giving her a wave, and making her way to the mag-lev. Carol had said they should give the crew something to talk about it, and it was apparent they were indeed talking.

" _Well, at least after this weekend, it will be true,"_ her heart reminded her.

"No comments from the peanut gallery," the older woman muttered under her breath. "Besides, it's not a guarantee."

" _Mmm-hmm. Why are you going to your office again then?"_

"Well, be-because... I want to be prepared, just in case, and I really shouldn't have to justify it, should I?" She then gave a disgusted groan. "Get a grip on yourself, Kristin. Talking to yourself isn't helping you any." She took several keep breaths to clear her head, and a few minutes later, she arrived in medbay. She stepped through the mag-lev door and entered the science labs.

Joshua's brow furrowed. "I wasn't expecting to see you here." He glanced towards the clock. "I figured this place would be a distant memory by now."

_Oh, no, not again._ She stifled a sigh and plastered a smile on her face. "Soon," she replied, nodding her head towards her office. "I just forgot something." She glanced around. "You're doing all right by yourself?"

He waved a hand. "Of course, don't worry about a thing. You just focus on having fun. This is your first time away from here since..."

As he trailed off, she nodded and turned towards her office. "I promise." She hurried inside, shut the door behind her, and locked it. No way did she want anyone else sneaking up on her. She leaned her back against the door, looking towards the jar sitting on the back counter. "Well, it's now or never." She walked towards it, pulled off the lid, and grabbed a handful of the colorful objects, stuffing them deep into her pockets to ensure none of them made an impromptu escape on her way back to her quarters.

Once she was positive they were secure, she opened her door and decided to leave medbay through the back way. It was a bit longer, but she didn't want to risk seeing Joshua, Katie, or anyone else. She just wanted to get back to her room as quickly as possible and finish packing. Because of her chosen departure, it also meant she'd have to forgo the mag-lev, but that was a risk she was willing to take. Besides, it was dinnertime, so most of the crew would be in the mess anyway...or at least she hoped.

As soon as she entered the corridor, she guessed her theory had been correct, since the halls were seemingly empty now. _Thank goodness!_

Her heart did a leap of joy as she turned the corner; she knew she was home free.

"Hey, Doc!" she heard Lucas call from behind her, a hand clamping down on her shoulder.

She groaned inwardly. _Oh, no. Why Lucas, of all people?_ She shut her eyes tightly and swallowed hard before turning around to face him. "L-Lucas, what a surprise."

He flashed her his usual grin and shrugged. "I'm glad I caught you. I was worried you might have left already."

"Not yet. I was just about to finish packing, you see."

"I promise this won't take long. Um, I could help you if you'd like?"

"No!" Then upon realizing how harsh she sounded, she softened. "Um, I-I mean, no...that's not necessary. It's just... Well, I'll be packing girl things...make-up, perfume... I don't think you'd be too interested in that, would you?"

"I guess not," he replied, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring at the floor.

She placed a gentle hand on his arm. "Just spit it out. We're alone here anyway."

He looked around and gave a nod. "I just wanted to let you know I'm not angry with you." He looked at the floor again, his cheeks turning pink. "The captain... He and I had a talk, and I... I'm cool with whatever you two do when you're alone. I just wanted to let you know I might be a teenager, but I'm not an idiot. I do know what adults do, and I don't want you to feel embarrassed about it or anything."

"I...I really appreciate your maturity, Lucas, but I... I don't even know... The captain and I might not..."

He held up a hand. "The captain told me all that, too, and it's okay. I understand. I just didn't want to be part of the reason you might not. I don't want to stand in the way of anything."

Kristin didn't know what to say or do; the only thing she could think of was to pull him into her arms and hug him tightly. "I really can't thank you enough for the support," she whispered softly, kissing his cheek.

"It's nothing, really," he told her, returning the hug before gently pulling away. "But, uh, I really should let you get back to packing. I hope you have a very happy and safe weekend. Just...make sure you come back to us, huh?"

She smiled softly. "Trust me, I will do everything in my power to make sure that happens...and I'll be in good hands."

"Yeah, I know you will. Well, see you on Sunday."

"Sunday," she said with a wave before turning back towards her cabin door and disappearing inside. "Well, that wasn't as awkward as I might have expected it to be."

" _No, but you'd better hurry. Nathan will be here shortly."_

"Right," she said with a nod, vowing to stop having conversations with herself. She emptied her pockets into her bag and started towards her dresser when a knock at the door startled her, a soft cry escaping her lips. "Just...just a moment," she called, quickly shutting the lid of her suitcase so her visitor didn't happen to see what was inside before moving to open the door and to find it was Nathan. "Oh, it's you."

Nathan laughed. "Were you expecting someone else?"

"With the afternoon I've had, I wasn't sure," she replied, moving aside to let him pass. "It's just been one of those days where everyone comes calling, so to speak."

"Ah, I see," he said with a nod. "Well, I was wondering if you were about ready?"

She bit her bottom lip. "Not really. Is that a problem? I've had a little trouble, and then I realized I'd forgotten something and had to run back to my office, and people kept stopping me, and-"

He placed a hand on her arm. "Kristin, it's all right, really. We're not a time crunch here. Why don't you let me help you, and we'll have you ready in no time?"

Before Kristin could answer, he moved towards her bag and opened the lid. "No, don't!" But it was too late. She watched as Nathan looked inside and although she was absolutely mortified, she knew she had to explain. "Nathan, I... You see, I..."

Only Nathan started laughing. "You packed the essentials, I see."

She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from him. "I'm glad you find it amusing. We hadn't exactly discussed it, and I thought... Well, I thought I should be prepared..."

"I'm not laughing at you," he said, coming up behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I, uh...packed a few of my own. With the way I've preached to Lucas about that sort of thing, I would never go into such a situation blindly. Anyway, I guess I was laughing at the fact you packed a lot more than I did. You might just be overestimating my abilities a bit."

She blushed. "I didn't even pay attention to how many... And I didn't even think..." She sighed, turning to him and leaning her head against his chest. "It's been a long time since... And birth control was never much of a concern, obviously. If we do end up doing other things in the bedroom _besides_ sleeping, I just don't want us doing anything we'd regret later."

He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "Oh, Kris, I understand. You don't need to explain it." He paused. "Wait? A _long_ time? I thought you'd said you've had other relationships..."

"I have, but it's been several years since I've _had_ one of those relationships." She shrugged. "I hope that doesn't scare you."

"Not at all," he replied, tightening his hold on her. "But you said we were going to play it by ear. I don't want you putting pressure on yourself, and remember I said I'm perfectly fine if we don't. I don't expect anything more, you know."

She gave him a small smile as she lifted her head and kissed him gently. "I know...and you're right. We'll play it by ear. If the time is right, we'll know." She broke the embrace and turned back to her suitcase. "Um, well, I guess I better figure out what else I need."

Nathan nodded. "Do you want me to help?"

"How about you help by keeping me company?" she suggested, nodding her head towards the table and chairs. "You sit and relax while I finish up. I won't be long, I promise."

"All right," he said with a shrug as he took a seat. "Well, I had a nice little talk with Lucas, and I'll have you know he's perfectly fine with the situation."

She stopped rifling through her closet for a moment. "Yes, I know, actually. I ran into him on the way back from my office. Though it was brief, he and I had a rather enlightening conversation. He's more mature than we give him credit for sometimes." She shrugged as she draped a few shirts and a skirt over her arm and walked to her bunk so she could fold them. "You were right; I shouldn't have been so worried."

"Well, while I'm disappointed I didn't get to tell you first, I'm glad you're feeling better where he's concerned. And I won't say I told you so." He paused. "In that case, how about we talk about the plans for the weekend?"

She stopped folding and turned to him. "I thought we were playing it by ear?"

"Well, I didn't plan it minute by minute, but I did have a few ideas in mind. Do you want to hear them?"

She smiled. "Of course."

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

**Bridger Island**

Two hours later, Nathan pulled the launch onto the sandy shores of his island. He opened the hatch, stepped outside, and turned to offer Kristin a hand. "Well, we arrived safe and sound."

"So we have," she replied, allowing him to help her before turning to walk towards the beach.

Nathan frowned slightly as he watched her walk along the shore. Kristin had barely said two words to him since they'd left the _seaQuest_ , and he wasn't sure why. When he'd asked her about it, she assured him that she was fine, and he didn't want to push her. But something told him she wasn't 'fine' after all. He wished she'd talk to him, but then he figured they had all weekend to do that. She'd open up to him when she was ready...wouldn't she?

He shook his head in an effort to clear the concern from his mind. Of course she would. He knew she was a somewhat private person; he'd known that from the moment he'd he'd met her, but after they'd decided to start dating, he quickly learned how she worked: she took time to think something over before talking. By this evening, he was sure she'd be telling him everything. She'd seemed excited when he told her about the moonlight dinner he'd had planned for them. He then smiled softy as he patted his pocket; he had something else planned as well.

Sometimes, he worried she doubted his affections. She'd been so hurt in her past by others who were careless with her heart, and though she'd told him bits and pieces, he knew she hadn't told him everything. She never voiced anything to him directly, but every once in a while, he noticed a flash of uncertainty in her eyes. He was hoping to finally squash that. His heart was hers, and though he'd said it, he felt it was time to prove it.

After watching her for a bit longer, he called to her, "I'm just going to put the bags in the house."

"I'll be in in a minute," she called back to him before turning away from him once again.

He watched her for a bit longer and then walked inside, setting the bags down at the base of the stairs for the time being and moving to open the curtains to let the light in. Ironically, for all the times Kristin had visited the island, she'd never seen the inside of the house. Well, at least she never mentioned if Carol had given her the grand tour, but he didn't think so. And when they'd done their simulation mission, there really wasn't time to take her inside and show her around.

As he was just finishing the last window in the kitchen, he heard the front door shut. "I'll be right out," he said.

"All...all right," she replied.

When we walked back into the entryway, he eyed her carefully. "I wasn't sure if you were ever going to join me."

Her cheeks turned pink. "Sorry." She turned and motioned towards the beach. "I was just reminiscing. It's funny how one little place can mean so much to a person, and after everything..."

He gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I understand it, really. You sure you're all right, though?"

She nodded and kissed his cheek. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine, really." She looked around. "It's not quite what I expected."

A brow rose. "Is that good or bad?"

"Oh, it's definitely good. I suppose I was just expecting something more minimalist."

He smiled, looking around at the decorations still hung on the walls with a nautical theme. "Well, if I'd been the one decorating, maybe, but it was Carol's doing, and I never... I didn't have the heart to... It was something she did for me anyway. If not for me, she'd have gone with flowers. She loved sunflowers. You'll see that when you look at the kitchen." He offered his arm. "Would you like the grand tour?"

"Yes, please," she replied, taking his arm and allowing him to show her around.

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

"...and this is the bedroom," he said, leading her inside. "Um, if you don't... There is a guest bedroom if you'd prefer..."

She gently patted his arm. "It's fine. We've slept in the same bed before. Even if we don't do anything more than sleeping, there's no reason why we can't share a room."

"As long as you're sure," he replied. "Um, well, I guess I'll go start dinner. I'll let you get settled in, and you can come find me when you're ready?"

"Actually, would you mind if I took a little nap? Since I didn't sleep very well last night, I'm a little tired."

"Oh, of course. Make yourself at home, Kris." He kissed her forehead softly. "Sweet dreams."

"See you later," she replied as he shut the door behind him.

Once alone, she slumped down onto the bed. She felt a little guilty for leaving Nathan to do all the work, but the truth was she really was tired...and her feelings of apprehension about the weekend had begun to creep up again.

_"Oh, would you knock it off?"_ her heart said. _"You've just got cold feet. Once that burning desire is sparked, you'll warm up fast."_

She sighed. "I'm trying; I really am. It's just..." She couldn't say it, though. She knew what the problem was, but admitting it to herself meant admitting disaster could strike at any moment...and she didn't want to think about it. "I don't want to ruin what Nathan and I already have, and you know it."

_"He's not like the others, you know."_

"He's not?" She paused. Nathan certainly seemed different. As a friend, he was the best one she had these days. And as a partner, he definitely had potential...but she'd seen that pattern before. Things had always started out hot and heavy in the beginning, but once she'd given her heart to them, they'd always broken it. From prior experience, she'd learned it tended to happen after sex got into the mix. In her heart, she knew Nathan wasn't as petty and frivolous as the other men she'd dated in the past, but she was so afraid of losing what they had now...

_"You know he's not. Stop thinking otherwise. You haven't even given him a chance."_

She bit her bottom lip. She really wasn't being very fair to Nathan, was she? Then she thought better of it, however. "I gave all the others a chance, too, and look where that got us? I'm not sure we could handle any more pain."

_"But-"_

A knock at the door caused her to jump. A second later, Nathan poked his head in. "Sorry, I just wanted to bring up up an extra blanket in case you got cold." He stepped inside and handed it to her.

"Thank you; that was sweet of you," she replied quietly, lowering her gaze to the floor and trying to ignore Nathan's scrutinizing gaze.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Kris, are you _sure_ you're okay?"

She shrugged him away. "Of course, Nathan, I'm fine. _Why_ do you keep asking me that?"

"Because you're not acting like everything's fine." He crossed his arms over his chest. "You seemed okay before we left the _seaQuest_ , but now you're quiet, withdrawn... You're like a completely different person." He sighed. "I just have a feeling there's something you're not telling me. Is there something you're not telling me, Kris? If there's a problem, let me help you, please."

She gave a light laugh and stood, placing a hand on his arm. "Have I ever told you how _cute_ you are when you're worried?"

He softened and flashed her a boyish grin. "Once or twice, yes."

"Nathan, I'm just tired. That's all. I'm sure after my nap, I'll feel much better." She kissed him softly. "I am so lucky to have you worrying about me, but there's no need. I'm fine."

He stared at her for several seconds before nodding. "All right. I'm sorry. I just... After everything..."

She placed a hand on his cheek. "I know, darling. You don't need to explain. If the tables were turned, I'd do the same thing."

"Yeah... Well, I better get back to making dinner and let you get some sleep. It should be ready in an hour and a half."

"Will you wake me in an hour then, please? I want to dress up a bit."

A brow rose. "Kristin, you don't need... You look beautiful no matter what you wear, and it's just us."

"You only say that because you're prejudiced. And I want to. I might wear jeans and T-shirts, but I do enjoy wearing something a bit more formal on occasion. I just don't get to very often."

He nodded. "Fine, whatever you want. Sleep well. See you soon."

"See you soon," she replied as he left the room once again.

_"You are so devious,"_ he heart pointed out. _"How can you say you love him and then lie like that to him?"_

"It...it wasn't a lie exactly. I'm sure I will feel better after some rest...and you know full well I love him. I just...don't want to ruin the weekend."

_"So you're not going to end up sleeping with him after all?"_

"I...I don't know yet. I'd like to sleep on it, no pun intended."

Her heart sighed. _"All right, you win. You'd better hope that nap does you wonders."_

"It will." Only she knew that she was lying to herself as well. She needed a miracle, and no amount of sleep was going to make that happen. She lay down on the bed and covered herself with the blanket Nathan had brought her. _Please, help me figure things out,_ she thought, a silent plea to the universe, and it wasn't long before she fell asleep.

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

"No, Nathan, don't stop. Oh...oh, please."

Kristin tossed and turned in the bed, but she wasn't having a nightmare; quite the opposite.

"Oh...mmm." Her eyes suddenly fluttered open, the blood rushing to her cheeks when she realized what an intense dream she'd been having and what it was really about. "Oh..." she muttered, pushing herself up and running a hand through her mussed hair.

_"Feeling any better?"_

"I...I don't..." She paused. "You didn't have anything to do with that dream, did you?"

_"Little old me? Do you really think I'd do that to us?"_

"I know you would." She sighed. "God, Kristin, I thought you'd said you were going to stop talking to yourself." She shook her head. "Well, I'm not doing a very good job of that, am I?"

_"Not really,"_ her heart replied.

"I didn't ask you."

_"No, but you never answered my question. Are you feeling better?"_

"I'm more confused than ever, to be honest. That dream didn't make things clearer at all."

_"Just give into me, Kristin. You know you want to. Throw caution to the wind and trust me. What have you got to lose? You said it yourself if there's one thing your accident taught us, it's to tell those we care about what they mean to us. You're not following that advice, now are you?"_

Kristin sighed. "You know what we've got to lose, and I...I'm not sure we could take it."

_"But isn't it better to have loved than to have never-"_

A knock at the door interrupted the argument with herself. "Kristin?" Nathan called softly, stepping inside. "Oh, you're awake."

"Yes, I just woke up a few minutes ago," she told him, pushing herself out of bed. "I feel much better now, thank you."

"You're very welcome, and I'm glad to hear it." His brow furrowed, however. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Were you talking to someone before I came in? I thought I heard your voice."

A rush of heat rose to her face. "Oh, that... Um, well, I was...talking to myself. I do that sometimes, I guess, and..."

He waved a hand. "You're not the only one. Did you give yourself all the right answers?" he asked with a wink.

"Um, I hope so," she replied, forcing a smile.

He laughed. "Well, dinner will be ready soon. You'll have plenty of time to dress up like you wanted."

She nodded. "Thank you. I'll be down in a little while."

"I can't wait," he told her.


	2. Chapter 2

Half an hour later, Kristin entered the kitchen with a smile, and Nathan nearly dropped the bottle of wine in his hand when he saw her. She was wearing a light blue skirt, a white blouse, and a matching jacket, and her hair and makeup were done to perfection. He almost felt a little under-dressed in his khaki pants and denim shirt. "Oh, my God, Kristin."

Her smiled faded. "Is something wrong?" She smoothed her skirt with her hands. "Do...do I look all right?"

He set the wine down on the counter and walked over to her, taking her hands in his. "You look absolutely gorgeous...just perfect. In fact, I'd be very jealous if anyone else saw you looking like this."

She blushed prettily. "And like I've told you before, you're prejudiced."

"Only because it's true." He turned to pick up the wine again and then offered his arm to her. "Well, milady, are you ready?"

She laughed softly and took his arm. "As I'll ever be."

He led her out onto the back porch where the table was already set and pulled out her chair. "I hope you like sea bass."

"Thank you," she replied. "It looks delicious, but when did you have time to do all this? I wasn't sleeping that long."

He sat across from her and gave her a wink. "Well, I might have had a little help."

"Help?" she repeated. "On a private island?"

He laughed softly. "Yes, believe it or not, I have a few friends on the mainland who happen to be fishermen. I called in a few favors, and they brought over some fresh fish." He uncorked the wine and poured some into her glass before doing the same with his own.

"Oh, how lucky." She brought her glass up to his, and they touched with a light clink.

They ate quietly. Thought they talked a little, the conversation was mainly about the meal. Nathan still suspected there was something Kristin wasn't telling him. He stifled a sigh as he watched her from his side of the table. Was it just nerves bothering her or was it something more? "Kris?"

She set her fork down and looked at him. "Yes?"

"I was wondering..." He trailed off. He wanted to ask her one more time if everything was all right, but that hadn't been working. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I was just wondering if you'd like some more wine."

She fingered the stem of her glass, contemplating his question before shaking her head. "No, thank you." She downed the last bit of wine in her glass and set her napkin on the table. "In fact, I'm not sure I could eat another bite. It was absolutely delicious, though, thank you."

He finished his own meal a minute and stood, picking up his plate. When Kristin stood to do the same, he shook his head. "No, you sit. I'll be right back."

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

As Nathan was in the kitchen cleaning up the dinner dishes, Kristin sighed and placed her elbow on the table cradling her chin in her hand. She still wasn't sure what she was going to do as far as the bedroom situation, and she couldn't stop the butterflies in her stomach.

 _"Just do it; you know you want to,"_ her heart said.

She frowned. No way was she going to chance arguing with herself when Nathan could walk up behind her at any moment.

_"So you're just going to ignore me?"_

Kristin risked a look over her shoulder. She could see Nathan standing at the sink, still working on the dishes, so she was safe for the time being. "I'm not ignoring you," she whispered. "I just... I'm still thinking, all right?"

Her heart sighed. _"Fine, I'll leave you be...for now. Don't think I'm done for the night, though."_

"I wouldn't expect anything less." She then turned back to Nathan. "Are you _sure_ you don't want any help? I...I just feel a little awkward having you wait on me."

Nathan finished drying the last dish and put it in its rightful place. "All finished," he said, walking back onto the porch. "And I'm not waiting on you. We're 50/50, remember?" He held out his hand. "Dance with me?"

She laughed softly., placing her hand in his and allowing him to pull her up. "Without any music?"

"We'll make our own."

"How do you-"

Before she could finish her question, Nathan pulled her close to him and began singing. "Oh, my love, my darling. I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time. Time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. Are you still mine?" He pulled away and fished a small black velvet box out of his pocket and held it out to her.

Her brow furrowed in question. "Nathan?"

"Open it."

Her heart did a flip. _"You know what that looks like."_

Kristin swallowed hard. She knew exactly what it looked like. Small black velvet boxes like that usually contained jewelry...more specifically, rings. She shook her head. "You didn't need to... I didn't get you anything."

"You didn't need to. Please, Kris, just take it."

"With trembling hands, she picked up the small box from his hand and opened it. Nestled inside the soft satin bedding was a white gold band with a round cut diamond in its center. Her jaw dropped, and she stared at the man before her with wide eyes. "Nathan, what...what is this?"

"What do you think it is, Kris?" He reached out and gently took the box from her hand, removing the ring, and taking her left hand in his. "I know it's a bit soon in our relationship for this, but... Kristin, I love you. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I thought... Well, what better way to show you than by asking you to marry me. So what do you say, Kris?" He held the ring just over the third finger on her hand, ready to slip it on. "Will you please marry me?"

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, but they weren't happy ones. "Nathan, I..." She gently pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry, but I...I can't." And before he could say anything more, she took off down the beach, at that moment wishing she was anywhere else but there.

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

"Kristin!" Nathan called after her. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." He stuffed the ring back into his pocket. "We don't need to... I thought... Come back here, please. Can't we talk about this?"

She turned back to him, sobs escaping her throat. "Nathan, I...I just need... I need to get away. Just leave me alone, please."

"Kris, I...I'm sorry!" he cried again, hoping she'd run back to him and allow him to wrap his arms around her. Of course, she didn't, however. She kept on walking until he could barely see her anymore.

A rainbow of curse words flew from his mouth. "Damn it, you're such an idiot," he muttered angrily. "I should have known..."

He paced the floor of the porch several times and shook his head as James' words suddenly came floating back to him. " _There are going to be days she tests you. She might try to push you away."_ His brow furrowed. Is that what Kristin was doing now? _"Old habits die hard. She's been betrayed many times before,"_ James had said. _"Doubts may come in the future."_

Did she have doubts? Was she worried he'd hurt her like the others? Nathan looked towards the direction she'd gone. Though it was dark, the moon was bright enough where he could just barely see her. Well, at least she hadn't gone too far, but he wasn't comfortable just leaving her be. While it might have been a private island, that didn't mean it was free of dangerous wildlife. A few species of venomous snakes also inhabited his island, and they were nocturnal hunters. The island was also home to scorpions and tarantulas, and he didn't want to risk leaving her and having her get hurt. He'd convince her to at least come back to the house, and then he'd gladly leave her to her own devices if that's what she wanted.

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Kristin sat on a large boulder she'd found, sobbing uncontrollably. "Th...this was a horrible mistake," she muttered through her tears, giving a shake of her head. "I...I never should have agreed to this."

 _"I don't see why you're so upset,"_ her heart protested. _"I know what's happened to us in the past, but...he was giving us a ring. He was ready to make a promise, a commitment... How can you **not** trust him?"_

"You really have to ask?" Kristin scoffed. "You were there. You know what happened..."

_"Yes, of course I do. That's why I **know** Nathan's not like any of them. Why can't you see that? Why are you being so stubborn?"_

"It's not that I don't trust him. I...I'm not sure I trust myself. I-" She stopped short when she heard the subtle scrunching of sand beneath Nathan's feet. She wiped the stray tears from her cheeks but refused to look at him. "You couldn't leave me alone for five minutes?"

"I'll gladly respect your wishes, but only if you come back to the house with me."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You...You're giving me an ultimatum?"

"No, I'm trying to keep you alive. Have you ever thought of what could be lurking out here?"

She dropped her attitude and ran a hand through her hair, glancing towards the jungle behind her. "I didn't think... What sorts of things live here?"

"Most of them won't kill you, but the venomous snakes might. The tarantulas and scorpions usually won't bother you unless you bother them, but I don't think you should risk it." He held out his hand to her. "Please, just come back to the house, okay?"

She sighed and gave a nod. "Fine." She stomped through the sand past him, almost sorry she'd kicked her heels off somewhere on her hasty retreat. No, they wouldn't have helped her walk, but the night air was cooler than she'd anticipated, and her feet were freezing.

Nathan caught up to her rather quickly. "I really am sorry, Kris. I didn't mean... I thought it might show you how much I love you. I guess I never knew you didn't feel the same way."

She stopped walking and turned to stare at him in disbelief. "Is that what you think?"

He shrugged. "I don't know what to think. I'm not even sure you still love me... You certainly don't seem to like me...at least not right now."

Fresh tears stung her eyes at his words. "That...that's not true." A hand rose to her mouth as she tried to stifle the sob that was about to burst from her, but she failed. "Nathan, I...I do love you. I...I love you so much, my whole body aches. I just..."

Nathan tentatively approached her and put an arm around her trembling shoulders. "You just what, Kris?"

"I..." She shook her head, gently shrugging him away and turning towards the water, not wanting to face him. "I ruin everything," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Is that what you think?"

"It's what I _know_ ," she replied, her tears still flowing freely. "I didn't want to ruin this, too, so I..."

"You're trying to push me away," he finished for her. "James told me you'd do that."

Her brow furrowed as she risked a glance at him. "You...you spoke to James? You never mentioned..."

"Sorry," he said with a sheepish smile. "I wanted to, but... Then I always figured you'd ask what we spoke about, and I didn't know how to say it exactly." He shrugged. "I think your brother was just making sure I wouldn't run away from you. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm right here. I'm not running."

She turned back to the water again. "Well, maybe you should. I...I'm not good for you, Nathan. I'll ruin everything. I've already done it. Can't you see that?"

He sighed. "I've already told you I'm not going anywhere. It takes a lot more than that to scare me away."

She didn't offer him a reply.

 _"You know you don't want him to leave anyway,"_ her heart whispered.

She shut her eyes tightly; she couldn't protest that either. She wanted to push him away, but she didn't want him to go either. She ran a hand through her hair. "My God, what's wrong with me? I must be crazy."

"No, you're just confused," Nathan said quietly.

Kristin shivered, knowing he was coming closer. She braced herself for his hesitant touch.

 _"Don't pull away!"_ her heart warned. _"Just give in."_

"Nathan, please..." she cried softly.

"Please what, Kris? Talk to me. Just talk to me. Tell me what's really going on. I'm right here."

She took a shaky breath as her tears continued to flow. Much as she wanted to run, to hide, she couldn't seem to hide from him, even on a private island.

_"Things will be better afterwards. I promise, Kristin. He's not like the others. I know it."_

"All...all right," she relented, taking another deep breath. "I'm scared. I've told you about some of the men I've dated in the past, and..."

"And they were all bastards, Kris. Fools, every single one of them, to let you slip through their fingers."

She gave a light shrug as she hugged herself. "If there were only one or two, I might have believed that, but...after a few more, it only stands to reason the problem must be me." She shook her head. "Six, Nathan. Six men have all trampled on my heart, and it..." She lowered her voice. "It always seemed to happen after we became intimate." She turned around to face him then. "I'm cursed, Nathan. You'll lose interest in me, and it...it will be all my fault," she said, crying harder.

Nathan pulled her into his arms. "Oh, Kristin, I refuse to believe you're cursed. And I...I know you've been hurt in the past, but I...I'd never do that to you. Ever. I'm in this for the long haul, and though I know I've said it, I didn't think you believed me. That's why I got you the ring. I wanted to show you how serious I am about you."

"I understood the gesture, but I also think you need to have your head examined," she mumbled through tears and sniffles.

He held her tighter and kissed her forehead. "And why do you say that?"

"Because I'd drive you insane..."

"You haven't done it yet. Like I said, I'm still here."

"You're a glutton for punishment," she said with a sigh.

He laughed. "No, I'm just completely in love with you. Can't you see that? I knew it ages ago. I've had that ring for two months."

She pulled away to look at him, wiping at her eyes. "How did you even know my size?"

Even in the moonlight, Kristin could see his cheeks turn a slight shade of pink. "I measured your finger with a piece of string while you were asleep. Then, remember that UEO conference I attended a couple months back? Well, that's when I picked it out. I knew it was perfect for you the moment I saw it." He shrugged. "I love you, Kristin. I have from the moment I met you, and there's nothing you could do to make me stop loving you. Out of all the women in the world, I get to love you, and I...I feel like I'm the luckiest man alive. Do I need to list the reasons why?"

"I don't... You've told me before..."

"But you don't seem to believe me. I swear I'd never hurt you, Kris."

"My heart knows that, but my head..." She shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right, really. I had wanted this to be a nice weekend getaway, not one that was full of worries and doubts. Maybe we should start over? That is, if you even want to stay. We could go back in the morning..."

She shook her head. "I don't think that's necessary. I mean, we're already here... I think starting over might be a good idea..."

He nodded. "And like I said, we don't need to do anything in the bedroom if you don't want to." He rubbed her arms. "But you're shivering. Let's get you inside so you can warm up."

"All right," she told him, no longer wanting to fight him.

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Once inside, Nathan brought her to the living room and urged her to sit on the sofa. "I can't help but notice your shoes seem to have gone missing," he told her, grabbing an afghan from a nearby chair and covering her legs.

"I kicked them off. I have no idea where they are now."

He frowned as he started making a fire in the fireplace. "Well, as soon as I get this started, I'll go get them."

"That's not... You don't need... I'll just find them in the morning."

"They might not be here in the morning. The incoming tide might take them with it."

She sighed. "I have other shoes, Nathan. I'm not worried about it."

"Well, I am." He waited until the fire was going strong and put the screen up in front of it. "I promise I'll be right back. Then I can leave you alone or we could talk... Whatever you want, okay?"

"Okay," she said with a nod.

"Great. I won't be long."

As soon as she heard the door shut, she sighed heavily. "What a mess you've created, Kristin."

 _"But that doesn't mean you can't clean it up,"_ her heart replied. _"Like Nathan said, he's not going anywhere. He loves us. Why can't you just accept that?"_

She bit her bottom lip. Could she accept that? She'd been in defensive mode for so long to ensure her heart didn't get broken, she'd almost forgotten what it was like to have someone love her unconditionally. And it was clear Nathan's love was unconditional. It didn't seem to matter what she did or said. He was right there by her side. "I'm such an idiot," she said in disgust. "I've been blind."

_"No, you've just had a setback. It's not the end of the world. We just need to get your head and me on the same wavelength. You want happiness, right? It's time to let us be happy."_

Kristin pondered on this. Her heart was right. She might have made a mess, but she knew she could fix it. She was determined to fix it, and she wasn't going to waste this weekend. As soon as she heard the door open and close, she rose to her feet.

"I found-"

His words were cut off by Kristin's lips as she gave him a long, passionate kiss. He dropped the shoes and wrapped his arms around her, responding in kind. After a few moments, she pulled away, both of them short of breath.

"I'm not complaining, but what was that for?" Nathan asked.

"It's my way of saying I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you."

"It's all right. I can't say I don't understand it, given your past experience. I just want to assure you you are the only one I have eyes for." He paused. "Well, there _is_ someone else. You know a part of heart will always belong to the sea."

She smiled softly. "I think I can live with that, as long as I get most of it."

"Always, my love." He kissed her gently again. "You're so beautiful, Kris."

"Have you gone blind? I'm all splotchy." She rubbed at her eyes. "And I'm sure my mascara's running."

He waved a hand. "You're beautiful no matter what."

"I hope you're still saying that when I'm old and grey."

A brow rose. "Kris, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"That depends. Is that offer still on the table?"

He pulled the ring from his pocket again. "Of course it is. Besides, I don't have anyone else to give this to."

"Though I don't think I want to run to the altar just yet. Is that a problem?"

He opened the box and took the ring out, slipping the band on her finger. "Not at all."

She kissed him again. "I do love you very much."

"I know, Kristin."

"Why don't we go upstairs?" she whispered huskily.

"But I thought... Are you sure?"

"I've never been so sure of anything...and I promise I'll never doubt you again," she told him, taking his hand and leading the way.


End file.
